Film Review: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox are chased down in Egypt by Decepticon forces

Imagine a world where everything explodes. People, cars, trees, houses, military bases, ships, helicopters, streets, garden ornaments, pyramids… yes, that last one was pyramids. If there’s one director renound for his love of everything fiery and combustible, it’s Michael Bay. If you know a little about film, chances are the first person you think of when you hear the world “explosion” is Michael Bay. To say he’s earned a reputation for that sort of thing is a bit of an understatement, then. For Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the sequel to the rather good 2007 blockbuster Transformers, Bay has ordered enough pyrotechnics to bomb Europe. And that’s not all.

It’s a few years after the events of the first movie, and Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is going away to college. His parents are finding it difficult to let go, and his super-model girlfriend (she isn’t actually a super-model, but she's made to look like one) Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) isn’t sure the relationship isn’t going to work. Or so she says. Living in Sam’s garage is his guardian Bumblebee, one of many Transformers in the movie – these alien beings are able to shift and change shape to blend into life on Earth. They take form as cars, helicopters, trucks, and, uh, sometimes girls. Then Sam goes off to college, Mikaela stays home to work in an auto repair shop and the plot suddenly goes out of the window. It stays that way for 130 minutes.

The plot for the original film was ropey, but you could almost follow it. This film makes no attempt at a feasible plot. In fact, it just seems to trail through, not really sure whether or not there even is one. The characters aren’t even sure. They keep asking questions, and for answers, they get questions. For something without a story, 2 hours and 30 minutes is an awfully long time. There are so many snippets of useless information and unexplained plot points flying at you that eventually you have no choice but to stop thinking. You’re forced to actually tell yourself, “Alright, it’s time to stop trying to understand what’s going on.” You’re left with no choice but to zone out as you watch explosion after explosion, chase after chase, tragic gag after gag.

Then there’s the array of useless characters. Michael Bay seems a little obsessed with assigning characters for every single purpose, and this was noticeable in the first movie, where we could have had one computer hacker, but we got four or five. The sequel makes no intention to correct this. We get added sidekicks who serve no purpose. They’re not funny and they’re not likeable. They’re just nothing. It’s as if Bay took the criticisms he received for the first Transformers outing, laughed a big hearty laugh, and decided to times them by three for the sequel. That’ll show ‘em, he’d say.

Bay also seems to have indulged in the fanboy enthusiasm for Megan Fox. Every shot in the film makes her look like she’s in a music video. She is pretty, and she looks good, but it’s awkward and embarrassing to watch her being filmed like she’s being introduced as a love interest over and over again. You know, that sexy, slow motion thing, this time as she fixes a motorcycle in tight jean shorts. As if to add to the insult, her character is given hardly anything to do. The emotional spectrum is very thin. She alternates between moody and shocked. Kind of how you might feel watching this, actually.

The robots have gone from awesome to annoying. The inclusion of two robots, Mudflap and Skins, was a grave mistake. Their clunking, bickering antics are enough to drive even kids crazy. It’s somewhat of an indication that I wanted the movie to have more focus on the human characters. I wanted to see some weight to Sam and Mikaela’s relationship – by the end, I was wondering why they were even together. There didn’t seem to be much of a connection from what I could see, and any romantic moments were empty and used to fill the gaps between more explosions. Bay’s sense of humour has also hit a noticeable rock bottom. His favourite joke, the humping dog, is used on two occasions. How a man of 44 still finds that funny escapes me.

At least the CGI is good. Well, does it count as good if you can’t really see it? When the fighting starts, it’s impossible to actually catch a glimpse of the battle. It’s just a huge blur of metal and sparks sprinkled with the occasional explosion. You can’t cheer for your hero because you can’t see him. It’s impossible to see who is winning, so you have to just wait until it’s all over to respond. By that time, you probably won’t care anyway. Mr. Bay, pay attention to a movie like Peter Jackson’s King Kong to see how these large-scale battles should work. There was supposed to be a fight between Optimus Prime and Megatron in this movie, but I don’t feel like I’ve seen it.

So are there any redeeming factors to this cautionary tale of excessive over indulgence and a budget of $200 million? To be frank, it isn’t the worst film of all time, and if you can handle having no clear storyline and somehow possess eyes that can differentiate the good robots from the bad ones when they’re tangled up together and surrounded by explosions and falling debris, then you might find some enjoyment in this lengthy blockbuster. But Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the first example of a movie that left me feeling exhausted from the sheer volume of explosions and fire and destruction. Yes, this is Michael Bay, the man who brought us Bad Boys II and Armageddon, we should have expected it, right? And, yes, it’s just a popcorn movie, right? Yes, it is, but it’s the worst of its kind. (**)